I answered the phone and I heard silence and then I heard his voice. The voice that distracted me for years. The voice that made my heart skip a beat. The voice that made me Feel love and hate at the same time. This man lifted up my spirits and tainted them just as quickly. He was back in the states after being gone for three years. Of course I had to be that supportive therapist as he had experienced difficulties including his mom passing away. I couldn't just be the rude person who hung up the phone rather I had to just listen and encourage as I would normally do. He said his standard lines-missing you, happy to hear your voice, and I will call you soon. Translation: currently scrolling to my next contact, have no interest in your voice, and I will call you again when I need something. While I do not like to dedicate anymore time to this man, I do like to draw theory from the events that do take place.
When I got off the phone, I could've been the girl with the butterflies in her stomach so happy and content with him being back and potential of us getting back together and me moving to New York. Instead it was feeling, letting it pass, and reflecting. I had felt angry and confused, why now? How dare he try to step on my self growth and career path. It's much easier with him being out of the country, but now temptation hits the states.
After some analysis and reflection with my higher power, I identified with this time and times before- I paced around feeling a mixed state of confusion and empowerment. Our tests can take us different directions, but many of them are moving us towards personal growth as a human being. It's about resisting temptation and focusing on the self rather than another's, staying on your path rather than being distracted, empowering yourself with your accomplishments, and anticipating greatness in the future. Instead of projecting our blame onto others-we can accept the blame for our individual selves. "How could she just fire me?" "How can I finish this project with no computer?" "She is constantly talking down to me every time I see her-who does she think she is?"
These life tests and challenges repeat themselves when you least expect it. Each time we release the blame and understand that it's a test and it's our time to demonstrate strength, courage, and resilience. The woman who talks down to you is going to keep showing up, some kind of problem at work is going to keep showing up, and the technology will always have a break down because reminder-it is NOT human. When we don't give in, it's our test that will be challenged independently. It's important to understand that it's not about the person, problem, or moment rather it's all about "You." The negative can feel like it's taking over, but the positive is on the way with patience and a bit of self-awareness. When a person has poor insight into feelings, thoughts, and behavior- this is difficult to differentiate between a "test" and a standard "choice." While the choice is there for everyone, the self reflection is essential. Opposition comes our way and we can choose to respond or keep moving. Tests can come when we are doing our best to challenge us to make the right decision. People are constantly encountering tests with drugs, alcohol, negative relationships, bad work environments, and events that produce the in preferred set of feelings.
When you keep it moving- let yourself happily move along. You shift to empowerment, which shifts to deeper "success" within yourself. Each test will get easier and easier like losing weight- shedding the pounds leading to a healthier life emotionally, Mentally, and even physically as addiction and self-destructive behavior can stand in your way.
Keep it moving friends and good things shall happen. Stand tall and know how much you are worth and how that incident holds great importance in growth and should not take over your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.